One of the first pieces of advice most people hear when learning writing is to find a writing group. I’m not going to push back on this advice; it’s excellent. However, I will say that finding a writing group is only part of your puzzle. Knowing how to utilize and interact with one is an important skill, and it’s one I often see lacking.
To those of you who don’t know, I and my dear friend Leslie co-lead two large writing groups for neurodivergent people. Those groups together are just shy of 10,000 people. The Neurodivergent Writers Lounge and Neurodivergent Editors Lounge both exist on Facebook and are open if folks want to explore them. I’ve also been running online spaces since the 1990s, so knowing how to interact in those kinds of spaces is something with which I am well familiar.
Without further ado, let’s get into it.
Read the rules
No, seriously. If you’re going to be in a writing group, read the rules. You’d be horrified to know how often we have to boot people for not following the most basic of rules we have (such as no promotion outside of approved threads and launch day). Lots of folks seem to think the rules are optional; they aren’t.
Approach the group with an open mind
One of the most important things I can recommend is to approach the experience with the understanding that you are there to learn and connect with other writers. This means acknowledging that you don’t know everything and remaining teachable. That isn’t to say you need to incorporate feedback that doesn’t work for you or your project, but give genuine consideration to what you learn in a space.
Don’t ask for work from others and then dismiss it
I see this happen a lot when people go into a group and then ask a question then wholly ignore the answers given or argue with everybody who gives feedback. If you are asking for critique or information, please understand that writing responses is actual work people are doing to try and help you, so don’t dismiss it out of hand.
Don’t argue with critique
No matter how inaccurate or unhelpful the critique is (unless someone is being just plain mean for the sake of it), don’t argue with it. Just thank the person for their time and move on. You can ask clarifying questions, of course, if you don’t understand something or explain something they may have misunderstood about your piece (such as what kind of critique you were requesting), but don’t argue.
Don’t take feedback personally
As a rule, people providing feedback aren’t trying to hurt you. Them saying something doesn’t work is not a referendum on you as a person. It feels crappy, and I don’t in the slightest bit begrudge that. However, knowing that people aren’t trying to hurt you and are, in fact, trying to help can change your experience with feedback. If someone is being a jerk, obviously you can report/block/hide etc. their commentary and not engage with it.
Your group ain’t Google
This isn’t to say not to ask questions, but if you ask the group for help without demonstrating a willingness to do the work to research it, you’ll frustrate people. For example, I’ve seen people who over and over again ask research questions about historical time periods that are absolutely basic ones. They don’t ask the questions clearly and are obviously using the group to doing actual study on their own. If you want to ask the group a question, do so when you can’t figure it out on your own but not as your first stop before even attempting understanding in other ways.
Stay in your lane
If someone is asking questions that have nothing to do with your area of expertise, don’t weigh in unless you have something meaningful to add. For example, if someone asks questions about a romance novel, and you only weigh in to say how much you hate romance novels, you’re better off keeping your mouth shut and scrolling. That kind of thing helps nobody and certainly doesn’t help you look any better. It’s best to stay quiet rather than be a jerk.
Don’t request critique without ever giving any
In general, you want to give as much as you receive when it comes to writing groups. If you want to receive advice, help others. If you want feedback on your writing, offer feedback to others. It’s a reciprocal relationship, and it’s important to understand that if you only ever request things from others without giving anything in return, it will be noticed and result in frustration on others’ behalf and cause you to miss out on opportunities and relationships you could cultivate to help you develop your career.
Writers groups aren’t your target readers
What I mean by this is two-fold. On one hand, writing groups are not places to market your book unless you are explicitly invited to (such as my group’s weekly thread for marketing). While writers are readers, usually writing groups are geared toward writers learning from one another and working together toward developing that skill. Secondly, the writing group may not have advice that works for your book or your market. If you are asking a bunch of YA fiction authors what they think of your hard-hitting adult alt history fantasy story, they’re going to give you a lot of advice that won’t help you any.
Not every group is for every person
There are plenty of focused writing groups or writing groups that are composed of one type of person or another. Some writing groups have a specific culture to them that may or may no jive with you. That’s okay. It doesn’t make the group bad or you bad; it just means the space isn’t right for you. Don’t stay in a group that doesn’t seem to be working for you. You’re better off finding a space that matches your needs and wants.
Overall…
Writing groups can be excellent experiences for folks who find the right ones that jive with them. They can be places you develop community and learn tremendous amounts about the process and craft of writing. However, like most places, they have etiquette. Learning that etiquette allows you to fit more comfortably into the space and get the most out of your experience there. It also prevents you from shooting yourself in the foot when it comes to networking.
When all else fails, remember the golden rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Be kind to other people, be honest and genuine, and do your best to respect their time and space just as you would like them to do for you.
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