Holiday Traditions
My family's holiday traditions have evolved over the years, but they are definitely still very much us.
Most people have holiday traditions of one kind or another. Some are more formal, some are less. Some involve large groups of people, and others are smaller and might just be one or two people. As someone with complex family issues, my family’s traditions are kind of a mess. My father, much as I loved him, made holidays a nightmare. With his family, they were political, and he hated them. It wasn’t something he wanted to perpetrate on others, but he disliked the pressure to get along with everyone and dress in his best and all that.
After his death in 2012, our family was adrift for a long time when it came to holidays. We still had them, but none of us were comfortable with them, and we kind of ignored most of them as much as possible. But some traditions have kept up — like my sadistic Easter egg hunt for my younger siblings. I’m almost 40, and they’re almost 30, but hiding eggs around the house and sending them on a wild hunt for them will never get old. We have fun with it.
Our newest tradition is running one-shot TTRPG sessions after dinner on Thanksgiving and one on Christmas. We’ve also done an Easter one, which we might keep doing. I’m the household DM, and I put together something goofy and fun for holidays or just buy a module and tweak it. They’re not always thematic to the holiday, but they are a good time.
When I say “our” I mean the whole clan of us. My mother, our matriarch, my husband, myself, my younger sisters, our adopted younger brother, and my sisters’ partners. We also have adopted people for holidays who didn’t have anywhere else to go. That’s been one of our long-standing philosophies.
As time has gone on and lives have changed, my mom an sisters have decided they prefer a vegetarian lifestyle, so our big family dinners look different than they used to. Also, one of my sisters is in a long-term relationship with a Puerto Rican who is introducing his food to our gatherings (to our endless delight!). But some traditions have stayed, like all of us getting together to cook over the days before holidays, using my mother’s bread recipe, our usual “feast” sides of mashed potatoes, butternut squash, homemade cranberry sauce, certain pies…
These traditions anchor us in some ways. They’re things we can rely on and look forward to when the world is complicated. However, even if we had a Thanksgiving where we did no cooking at all and just got Chinese, we would still be together. That is the key to our tradition.
For others who may be alone during the holidays, their traditions might look different. You might not celebrate with a big family meal, but maybe you watch a particular movie with a particular drink. Or maybe you spend the whole night playing video games. Or whatever it is that you do to mark your time.
The key, of course, is setting time aside to do something a little different. A little special. Whatever that looks like and how it evolves is going to be unique to everyone, and that’s part of the beauty of it. Much like with writing, the only “wrong” answer is the one that doesn’t work for you. Finding the things that bring you joy is going to be the key.
In situations where joy is complex (such as being estranged from your family or after a loss of someone important), the solution is going to be changing your tradition to suit your new normal. Whatever that normal looks like.
I’m writing this on Thanksgiving day while the turkey roasts and after planning my holiday one-shot to run after the meal, so that’s where my mind is. I know this is going out to you on Monday, but I hope you’ll forgive my holiday musings.
Now… I have to get back to planning the monster hunt my family is going on. I’m sending them after a cursed tree in the middle of a haunted forest. As one does. (We’re playing a medieval version of Monster of the Week, if you’re curious). Maybe the monster will be a giant turkey. Hm…