Why Sometimes Rest Wins
In a world where we are expected to always be "productive," I am trying to unlearn that pattern of behavior for my own sanity and well-being.
As anybody who reads this blog regularly knows, I am an author and editor. My “day job” is those things. Insomuch as I have a “day job.” I am physically disabled, so really my “day job” is survival around my various issues and struggles, but being an author and editor helps me make ends meet. That’s the reality behind the façade to some extent. So, if anybody was wondering, that’s the truth.
Right now, as I write this (which is several weeks before you’ll read it), I am fighting a head cold and feel like crap. Doing the work I do requires my brain to function, and society has seriously conditioned me (and most everyone) that we are only worthwhile while we’re productive, and being disabled has really challenged that view for me. I am worthwhile even when I’m not “contributing” or producing anything. Because my worth isn’t tied to how much money I earn or how much I “contribute” financially. Is that part of it? Of course. I want to participate in society; I want to earn money on my own; I want to work and have that work be useful.
However.
In order to do that? I need to also recognize my limitations. And sometimes those limitations are pretty heavy. At the moment, I think that if I tried to work on the manuscript I am editing for a client, I would probably make things worse, not better. When you’re as tired and as gross feeling as I am right now, intellectual work just isn’t on the docket. At least not of any quality.
I’m going to be frank here that capitalism has conditioned us to view every moment as a chance to “hustle.” We are expected to be working toward earning money or supporting things that earn us money at all times. Pleasure, hobbies, joy, rest, and just… living are so frequently cast to the wayside in favor of structuring things in ways that are designed to maximize output. We are humans, not machines; we need rest. What’s the point of life if we aren’t able to enjoy it ?
Now, back to rest. I’m not resting because I enjoy it. Honestly, my brain is like a beehive that’s been kicked. I hate resting because I get bored and frustrated, and I just want to do things (which I think is partly the ADHD). However, I also understand that rest is a requirement. So I tolerate it. Even if I am not particularly pleased with the idea of doing absolutely nothing, I understand some days it’s necessary to binge Supernatural (again) and play solitaire. And yes, that’s what I’ve been doing for the last three days.
So, if you ever needed a sign or permission from a stranger to just take a day and not do all the million pressing tasks the world is hurling at you, this is it. I mean, feed your pets, yourself, and your kids, but you don’t need to do everything. Sometimes doing the bare minimum and resting for a while is necessary. And helpful.